[He opens the door soon after her knock, letting her into the smooth metal of his spaceship inspired cabin.
He always looks somewhere on the range of stressed, anxious and tired; never comfortable in his skin or with the world around him except when totally lost in math, so it can be hard to pinpoint when he looks worse than usual.]
"Oh. This is familiar," she notes as she steps inside. "A holdover from
Captain Holden's time here?"
She remembers Nico sitting at the family table at Jedao and Fives'
wedding. She heavily suspects that it's Jedao's influence that served as
the basis for Nico's cabin, because she knows full well that he lived
there; she visited Jedao on the Roci after that flood where Rosethorn
killed him repeatedly. They were sitting in bed together there when Tris
agreed to help fight on Kamino.
Of course, the connection to Jedao makes her even more concerned about
Nico, even if she's here to talk about Lark.
She holds up the little basket she brought with her. "Black tea is
steeping, and I have milk and honey and sugar, so you can doctor it however
you like."
Jedao had asked the Admiral to change it for him, but even if the connection between them isn't as hidden as Nico's... security concerns would prefer, he's not going to share unnecessary details. Months of math classes are enough to know well that Nico considers pretty much anything close to personal and unnecessary detail that doesn't need to be shared.
"Thank you. I put the cookies on a plate." He doesn't have a lot of practice hosting, but he's laid out his offerings with care on the table and awkwardly waves at chair.
"Thank you," Tris tells him seriously, successfully stifling any hint of
amusement at that declaration. It's sweet. Charming. And also a bit gut
wrenching because she knows that lack of familiarity with social graces
comes from somewhere.
She settles into a seat, and nods toward the cookies. "Coping mechanism?
It's mine too. When I'm upset, half the ship gets cookies."
He tugs at his hair, looking over the plate of slightly obsessively uniform cookies. "I've been learning to cook for a while. It's a useful skill. It can be - comfortable."
He sits down on the edge of his seat, more uncomfortable now as they move past almost comfortable conversation scripts and towards the reason she asked him to talk specifically. There aren't a large number of possibilities.
"I go a little crazy if I don't have something to do with my hands.
It's calming. At least for me. Have you tried bread yet?" Because
if not, bread is an excellent next step for baking.
Another minute of comfortable conversation (or as close as it gets,
for Nico) before she gets down to business.
There's a reason Nico tends to pull at his hair, and why his clothing tends to fray quickly under his fingers; though cooking only works to calm him half the time, it's equally likely to leave him more wound up. "I have. The crumb on the last batch was good."
"That's always nice. Bread is my favorite." Kneading is the most soothing
thing to do in a kitchen, though even chopping vegetables calms Tris down.
But then she does get to the point of her visit. "I noticed you've been
sitting in more open areas of the library lately. Because Lark left?"
And she hates the idea of Nico going back to hiding out, skulking around
the edges of the space as if he doesn't have the right to be there. With
Lark as a warden, the dynamic feels different. Tris feels like she has
more leeway to intervene, because Lark's growth doesn't, by necessity, come
first.
"Sometimes it gets messy." His tolerance for touching things is also variable.
He isn't surprised by the question, it was the most likely reason she had come and Tris' pattern is straightforward. His is not, but he does his best to reply in kind when he can. "Partly."
Tris hums agreement. It does get messy sometimes. And she's also a
very neat person, she just makes an exception for cooking.
"I didn't expect him back, but now that he is, I want to make sure you
aren't uncomfortable in the library again. Do you have thoughts on
how you'd like that handled?"
"I guess he needed a deal." There isn't any judgement in that, Lark had hated the barge, he came back because there was something more important than that. Nico truly hopes for the best for him.
It's also easier thinking of that than even trying to comprehend Tris' question. He understands all the words perfectly, can see how they fit together, and then it all comes to a halt in a place that's completely incomprehensible. It's funny, but he's sure she means it so he's glad that he isn't any good at smiling.
"Uh. I'm sure it'll be fine. He apologized. It's been a long time."
"You aren't obligated to suddenly be at ease with someone just because he
apologized. It's been a very long time for him, but not for you."
Well, a long time since the attack, maybe. Only if months count as long.
"With Lark here as a warden, it isn't my responsibility to put his growth
ahead of my concern for you. Then... I talked to him, and I did what I
could for you. Now, I would give at least as much weight to your comfort
as to his wishes. If, for instance, you wanted Lark to make the
effort to avoid you rather than the other way around, I'd ask him to. If
you wanted us to have a clear schedule of hours, and to agree that he
wouldn't be in the library at certain times, I'd ask him for that. You are
allowed to want things, but you aren't required to be the one to
advocate for them. I'm offering to do it."
Nico had been pushing the crumbs from breaking off pieces of his cookie into piles, but he stops, usual fidgeting frozen for a few moments. Tris has done a lot for him. He appreciates having been told when Lark would or wouldn't be there. He doesn't think much about anyone trying to talk with Lark about it, but he recognizes it still probably falls under a nice gesture. It was far more consideration given to his comfort than he ever expects.
Doing more than that -
He's still a little stuck on the word 'concern'. It's nice, in how it ignores the way things are. It's good to have another piece of evidence that she wants to help people on the barge, that is important to track. Even if he could, he doesn't want to point out all the ways her suggestions could make things worse. It wouldn't be polite.
"Uh, thanks. But it really is okay. I'm not - at ease, but I'm not with most people." An obvious truth, useful in a convincing explanation. "It's a big library, and sometimes there isn't much to do here. He shouldn't have to rearrange his schedule."
"He shouldn't have attacked you in the library. Rearranging his schedule
seems like the least he could do in return," Tris replies flatly. More
thoughtfully, she adds, "I don't think he'd attack me over confronting him,
and I do think that I could negotiate a condition that no
repercussions for his conversations with me are directed at anyone else.
Before ever bringing your name into it."
Because Tris has enough paranoia herself that she considers 'could make
things worse' a valid concern. One that doesn't necessarily need to be
stated.
He doesn't feel like he can really touch the topic of what Lark should or shouldn't have done, at least, not in relation to anything he should do in response. He believes Tris that she knows how Lark relates to her well enough to trust her estimate to how he would respond, and even that she could get an agreement about there not being any repercussions. He can't stretch to believing that means anything, but that's not a leap he can make for anyone.
"As a warden, he'll likely refrain from attacking people. The responses would get in the way of his goals." To give her something, "I don't have a set schedule. I don't want to write one so Lark can see it." True enough, and a claim that he believes he can have things he wants.
"I would never ask you to disclose your expected whereabouts to him," Tris
agrees immediately. That was absolutely not an option on the table. If
she divided up library hours between them, she would probably have made it
an even split, not given Nico little windows where Lark would know exactly
where to find him. "I would block out large enough sections of the day
that it wouldn't be predictable, if we did things that way."
She may be a very open person herself about most things, and perfectly
willing to have confrontations, but she does have some grasp of
privacy and information security.
Nico shakes his head. "He lashed out. He was afraid and trapped and I was a target that he had reasons to select. That doesn't mean that his actions were... acceptable, but they're understandable. It's better just to go forward. I appreciate the suggestions. That you would talk to him. But it wouldn't... change anything. For me. It would just keep bringing forward things that don't need to be dealt with."
"Alright." Even if Nico is only standing up to her to keep her from
standing up for him, Tris appreciates that he's outright stating what he
wants. There isn't anything to do in the wake of that but respect his
choices.
"Do you want me to let you know if he does take scheduled shifts? There's
still nothing stopping him from showing up during mine or Jon's, but if you
want to know when he'll definitely be there, I'll make sure you get the
information."
"That would be good to know. Thank you." He frowns a little, tugging on his hair again. "There are... dangers, but it might be good to have those scheduled shifts available in general. The network of socialization - there are people who are uncomfortable with others for various reasons. And interaction with the librarian is not a necessary part of going to the library. But it sometimes is. And there can be a presence."
When he's not thinking about himself, it's a lot easier to contemplate how to make people's lives more pleasant.
"The unpredictable rotating shifts were at Lark's insistence in the first
place. At the time, he was an inmate doing his best to minimize harm, and
everyone was angry enough at Jon that... well. I agreed. It seemed
advisable."
But that storm seems to have mostly passed. "Alright. I'll talk to him
and Jon."
"It's always a balance." The Jon thing is the case in point, but management shifts with the balance. He can, as he usually can, see the various sides, and is glad that it's something the library staff can talk about to find their own lines.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 05:32 pm (UTC)[He opens the door soon after her knock, letting her into the smooth metal of his spaceship inspired cabin.
He always looks somewhere on the range of stressed, anxious and tired; never comfortable in his skin or with the world around him except when totally lost in math, so it can be hard to pinpoint when he looks worse than usual.]
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 05:52 pm (UTC)"Oh. This is familiar," she notes as she steps inside. "A holdover from Captain Holden's time here?"
She remembers Nico sitting at the family table at Jedao and Fives' wedding. She heavily suspects that it's Jedao's influence that served as the basis for Nico's cabin, because she knows full well that he lived there; she visited Jedao on the Roci after that flood where Rosethorn killed him repeatedly. They were sitting in bed together there when Tris agreed to help fight on Kamino.
Of course, the connection to Jedao makes her even more concerned about Nico, even if she's here to talk about Lark.
She holds up the little basket she brought with her. "Black tea is steeping, and I have milk and honey and sugar, so you can doctor it however you like."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 05:59 pm (UTC)Jedao had asked the Admiral to change it for him, but even if the connection between them isn't as hidden as Nico's... security concerns would prefer, he's not going to share unnecessary details. Months of math classes are enough to know well that Nico considers pretty much anything close to personal and unnecessary detail that doesn't need to be shared.
"Thank you. I put the cookies on a plate." He doesn't have a lot of practice hosting, but he's laid out his offerings with care on the table and awkwardly waves at chair.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 06:09 pm (UTC)"Thank you," Tris tells him seriously, successfully stifling any hint of amusement at that declaration. It's sweet. Charming. And also a bit gut wrenching because she knows that lack of familiarity with social graces comes from somewhere.
She settles into a seat, and nods toward the cookies. "Coping mechanism? It's mine too. When I'm upset, half the ship gets cookies."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 06:14 pm (UTC)He sits down on the edge of his seat, more uncomfortable now as they move past almost comfortable conversation scripts and towards the reason she asked him to talk specifically. There aren't a large number of possibilities.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 06:17 pm (UTC)"I go a little crazy if I don't have something to do with my hands. It's calming. At least for me. Have you tried bread yet?" Because if not, bread is an excellent next step for baking.
Another minute of comfortable conversation (or as close as it gets, for Nico) before she gets down to business.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 06:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 06:27 pm (UTC)"That's always nice. Bread is my favorite." Kneading is the most soothing thing to do in a kitchen, though even chopping vegetables calms Tris down.
But then she does get to the point of her visit. "I noticed you've been sitting in more open areas of the library lately. Because Lark left?"
And she hates the idea of Nico going back to hiding out, skulking around the edges of the space as if he doesn't have the right to be there. With Lark as a warden, the dynamic feels different. Tris feels like she has more leeway to intervene, because Lark's growth doesn't, by necessity, come first.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 06:32 pm (UTC)He isn't surprised by the question, it was the most likely reason she had come and Tris' pattern is straightforward. His is not, but he does his best to reply in kind when he can. "Partly."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 06:35 pm (UTC)Tris hums agreement. It does get messy sometimes. And she's also a very neat person, she just makes an exception for cooking.
"I didn't expect him back, but now that he is, I want to make sure you aren't uncomfortable in the library again. Do you have thoughts on how you'd like that handled?"
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 06:44 pm (UTC)It's also easier thinking of that than even trying to comprehend Tris' question. He understands all the words perfectly, can see how they fit together, and then it all comes to a halt in a place that's completely incomprehensible. It's funny, but he's sure she means it so he's glad that he isn't any good at smiling.
"Uh. I'm sure it'll be fine. He apologized. It's been a long time."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 07:40 pm (UTC)"You aren't obligated to suddenly be at ease with someone just because he apologized. It's been a very long time for him, but not for you." Well, a long time since the attack, maybe. Only if months count as long.
"With Lark here as a warden, it isn't my responsibility to put his growth ahead of my concern for you. Then... I talked to him, and I did what I could for you. Now, I would give at least as much weight to your comfort as to his wishes. If, for instance, you wanted Lark to make the effort to avoid you rather than the other way around, I'd ask him to. If you wanted us to have a clear schedule of hours, and to agree that he wouldn't be in the library at certain times, I'd ask him for that. You are allowed to want things, but you aren't required to be the one to advocate for them. I'm offering to do it."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 07:55 pm (UTC)Doing more than that -
He's still a little stuck on the word 'concern'. It's nice, in how it ignores the way things are. It's good to have another piece of evidence that she wants to help people on the barge, that is important to track. Even if he could, he doesn't want to point out all the ways her suggestions could make things worse. It wouldn't be polite.
"Uh, thanks. But it really is okay. I'm not - at ease, but I'm not with most people." An obvious truth, useful in a convincing explanation. "It's a big library, and sometimes there isn't much to do here. He shouldn't have to rearrange his schedule."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 08:19 pm (UTC)"He shouldn't have attacked you in the library. Rearranging his schedule seems like the least he could do in return," Tris replies flatly. More thoughtfully, she adds, "I don't think he'd attack me over confronting him, and I do think that I could negotiate a condition that no repercussions for his conversations with me are directed at anyone else. Before ever bringing your name into it."
Because Tris has enough paranoia herself that she considers 'could make things worse' a valid concern. One that doesn't necessarily need to be stated.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 08:38 pm (UTC)"As a warden, he'll likely refrain from attacking people. The responses would get in the way of his goals." To give her something, "I don't have a set schedule. I don't want to write one so Lark can see it." True enough, and a claim that he believes he can have things he wants.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 08:44 pm (UTC)"I would never ask you to disclose your expected whereabouts to him," Tris agrees immediately. That was absolutely not an option on the table. If she divided up library hours between them, she would probably have made it an even split, not given Nico little windows where Lark would know exactly where to find him. "I would block out large enough sections of the day that it wouldn't be predictable, if we did things that way."
She may be a very open person herself about most things, and perfectly willing to have confrontations, but she does have some grasp of privacy and information security.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-10 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-12-11 06:54 pm (UTC)"Alright." Even if Nico is only standing up to her to keep her from standing up for him, Tris appreciates that he's outright stating what he wants. There isn't anything to do in the wake of that but respect his choices.
"Do you want me to let you know if he does take scheduled shifts? There's still nothing stopping him from showing up during mine or Jon's, but if you want to know when he'll definitely be there, I'll make sure you get the information."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-11 07:02 pm (UTC)When he's not thinking about himself, it's a lot easier to contemplate how to make people's lives more pleasant.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-11 07:27 pm (UTC)"The unpredictable rotating shifts were at Lark's insistence in the first place. At the time, he was an inmate doing his best to minimize harm, and everyone was angry enough at Jon that... well. I agreed. It seemed advisable."
But that storm seems to have mostly passed. "Alright. I'll talk to him and Jon."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-11 07:33 pm (UTC)